The Top Ten WOMP Stories of 2006, Personified As Comic Book Characters

10) Nifty O'Day and his Magic Spark - Seeing that the ol' WOMP-Blog needed a little "something," Nifty O'Day, a bebopping teen from the early 1950's who has many accidental adventures in time due to a mischievous Spark of Magic, decided to help.  He ordered the Spark to inspire me to conclude each entry with a comic book character "...Of The Day."  Sure enough, this new feature sparked conversation, garnered many new readers, and kept me on a more-or-less daily schedule!  Satisfied with his handiwork, Nifty asked the Magic Spark to take him to "the swingingest party ever."  Imagine his surprise when he found himself at a Mongol Feast of Death!

9)  Drawn and Cornered, Ghost Artists - Jacob Drawn and Hezekiah Cornered were rival artists during America's Colonial period.  Each smugly believed that he was best at capturing the faces of the people that he portrayed.  On a fateful night, they accepted a challenge to try to draw from memory the ugliest woman in the village.  In their zealous attempts to depict every wart and wrinkle, they so upset their subject, a witch, that she banished them to the netherworld for eternity.  Now, after years of aimless drifting in the void of unlife, they have conspired to thwart the witch's centuries-old curse by spiritually influencing ME to accept as many caricature drawing gigs as I can find.  Through me, they constantly bicker, but ultimately cooperate to make it seem as though I know what I'm doing.  They believe that, eventually, I will draw a beautiful likeness of yet another witch, who, in gratitude, will free them.

8)  Mirror-Man - Something disturbing happened about twenty years ago.  The man in my mirror started to age faster than me!  I'm the same guy who had his first art show in October of 1986, but, since then, Mirror-Man looks back at me with a face more resembling my Dad's.  Every time I think I've got all the time in the world, Mirror-Man scowls as he takes it away.  He doesn't talk, but Mirror-Man tells me that I'm wasting time, that I'm falling behind...that I'm losing a battle that I can't even fight.  But, there is hope!  Mirror-Man has one weakness; he's two-dimensional!  He can only see the surface, while I can imagine, plan, learn, dream.  I can see dimensions that he can't even conceive.  Now, whenever I see him try to frighten me with his grim, fat, saggy face, I remember who I really am, and I just laugh!

7)  Cap'n Funtime and The Jolly Gadabouts - Wowzie-wackie-doodle!  It sure was fun visiting Funtime Bay!  I'm sure glad we hopped on the Cookie-Cutter and headed out for Summer vacation adventures!  Cap'n Funtime can make even the most boring year seem better with just a camp-out on an island, or an educational visit to a museum.  And The Jolly Gadabouts make us laugh with their goofy, but brief, visits to WOMP H.Q., or their funny letters and e-mails.  Even Grunchy the Octosourpuss has to smile whenever the good Cap'n takes us on an exploit away from our daily routines! 

6)  Cobia, The Sentient Submarine - Once merely a battle-hardened submarine from World War Two, The Cobia has undergone some amazing renovations since it was moored at the Maritime Museum in Manitowoc, Wisconsin.  Unknown to most of the adults of the city, Dr. Brian Simons has fitted the aging craft with his revolutionary device, the Actuating Sentience Electronode, as well as several other modifications.  Now endowed with a mind, Cobia strives to protect the citizens of its new home, usually by means of a projected image of itself as a begoggled superhero.  On a recent visit to Manitowoc, I was introduced to this amazing character by kids at the public library.  For them, I drew their hero, but we all (and now you, too) must promise to keep Cobia a secret, so that it...he can continue to work in secret.

5)  The Anti-Monkey - From the darkest depths of anti-space comes this powerful, dread being of hopelessness and despair.  Ever since at least 1999, I have waged a losing battle with The Anti-Monkey, as he strives to keep me from producing any more The Adventures of Monkey comic books.  His sick motivations are as of yet unknown to me, but I have a soul-crushing feeling that The Anti-Monkey specifically preys upon me because...he is me!

4)  Knucklebones - Don't let his skeletal appearance fool you; Knucklebones is a game-loving protector of the innocent and champion of those who love to play.  With a skip and a hop, and a roll of his Infinite-sided dice, he sends bad guys down a chute, protects kings and queens, and even guides people past "go" with a gift of two-hundred dollars!  He even helped me go up a ladder by hiring me to provide cover artwork for the magazine bearing his name! 

3)  The Mighty FallCon - Who said that capes are passe'?  The Mighty FallCon looks every bit the stylish superhero in his flowing blue cape...not to mention his classic domino mask!  So what if he's put on a little weight over the years?  He's still the man of action that he was when he first appeared on the scene almost twenty years ago (besides, that's not fat spilling over his utility belt, it's flesh-wound-handles!).  I must admit that I was surprised to see him this year.  For a while there, I thought he might fade into the past for me, but there he was, mugging for the camera, introducing me to new people, and reconnecting me with old friends.  I suppose that someday, someday, he may disappear, but at least we enjoyed his company one last time.

2)  The L. Frankenbaum Monster - Cobbled together from unlikely elements, the L. Frankenbaum monster arose like an awkward phoenix.  Part short-stories written more than a century ago, and part new illustrations created by me, the monster now walks the Earth, with clumsy innocence and growing acceptance.  Just this last November the L. Frankenbaum monster was found in a nearby bookstore, where I was able to calm it and even introduce it to a few brave people who came out to see us.  One day, he may find a happy place to rest, in a library perhaps, but, for now, he continues to roam free, searching for love.

1)  Fallfire - As a struggling painter, Falla Fiero has been misunderstood and marginalized.  However, when she spiritually communicates with the noble spirits of her Native American ancestors, she has the power to transform into the majestic Fallfire, Keeper of The Flame of Life.  A vision of autumnal beauty and mystery, Fallfire finds ways to aid and to inspire artists who choose to believe in her.  If they truly look within themselves, artists are visited by Fallfire, who lights their hearts from The Flame.  At first, few people knew of her, but her recognition has grown over the last three years.  Now, her works, the artists themselves, are seen as some of the most beautiful paintings of all!